Happy Twelve

I am fairly certain that money has been made and lost.  I am fairly certain that wagers were made that we wouldn't last a year, surely not five, certainly not ten.  Today is happy twelve to us.  Tomorrow is my birthday, but I care not a whit about that.  What I am blissful about is that Jack Rucker still loves me.

We have certainly had ups and downs.  There were moments when I thought that that marrying me was surely a bad decision on Jack's part, times when I wondered if he had truly counted the costs of life with me.  But every year we get better at this, better at loving each other, at working together, at being gentle and passionate and friends and believing in each other.

I could go on and on and on about this man, about us, but it would get pathetically sappy.  Just know this:  I am deeply thankful we found each other, that we didn't choose other paths, that we choose each other every day.  Because that is what it takes - every day choosing life and love, not selfishness or pride.  Every day we choose us and the family we have together.

Do You Really Want to be a Teacher?

I know so many students former students who are planning on getting I to education and I just gave this urge to tell them to run to the mountain and look not behind them.

I have a frequent argument with my mother -in-law that goes something like this:

Me:  I really think it is time to quit and homeschool.
Rubilee:  But going to work everyday is good for you.  You wouldn't like to be home.
Me:  Actually, I would.
Rubilee:  But think of all the good teachers you would deprive Bella of.
Me:  It is just a gamble - we could just as likely have a bad teacher as a good teacher.
Rubilee:  Surely there aren't really that many bad teachers out there.
Me:   Let me tell you about ( and I rattle off a story about a former teacher of my own or one I know)
Rubilee:  Stunned silence
Rubilee: Well then, it is your duty to stay in and be a good teacher

We have this argument at least every other month.  Shs really believes I have this duty to serve mankind as a teacher.  Let me tell you that it is not your duty, not when it comes at the sacrifice of your own child or sanity.  We have been lucky and out of five teachers, Bella has had only one that wasn't a really good teacher.  That one was simply young and brand new and not experienced yet.    We have been lucky that I haven't gone completely batty.  But there have been moments.  There have been weeks. It is not my duty.  I just don't buy into that whole duty to mankind business.  I buy into follow my own bliss.  If it is right, then I will be doing something good for mankind on my own.  It will be something doesn't make my eye twitch.

I am a class sponsor so that means I get to spend my evenings building a float for homecoming next week.  I really despise this.  I do not care about floats.  If parents want their children to have floats, they should build them.  I am more worried about when my own child will get her homework done and eat supper since I will be a single parent that week.  I also honestly do not care if there is a prom or not, but my co sponsor is spearheading this year's fundraisers and as long as I was getting a float organized, I needed to get parents on board for fundraisers too.  And no, I do not get paid extra for any of this.

As much as I hate homecoming and raising money, here is what really galls me.  OAM.  Other academic measures.  It is a goal with measurable outcomes that teachers each had to write this year.  If we don't meet our goal at the end of the year, we lose 30% of our pay for next year.  We aren't allowed to write goals like "I will increase parent communication by 10%."  These goals are all tied to student performance.  So six thousand dollars depends on whether my kiddos come to school ready to learn and perform.  I can teach hard all day, but that doesn't mean my kids are ready to learn or perform.  Did they have breakfast?  Are mom and dad fighting?  Did they get high?  Are they pregnant?  Do they live in a shelter? These kids don't all live with June and Ward Clever.  I understand that many professions have merit pay, but many of those professions don't have so many factors beyond the control of the employee.  I am putting my fate in the hands of a teenager and his or her parents.  That is a frightening proposition that every teacher in Oklahoma faces this year.  It means we will spend more time making sure your children reach this goal and pass that ridiculous end of instruction test and less time teaching things that really matter.  Let's face it. Teachers don't make much anyway.  With sixteen years of experience I still make less than $40,000.  If I lose six thousand of that, I will  hand in my keys and walk out the door.

Why am I ranting to you?  It is an election year.  For starters, I am putting my hopes behind John Cox for state supe.   I think he is the teachers' best hope.  But governor is equally important.  Janet Baressi did a lot of bad things to education, but it was done with Governor Fallin's backing.  I am not telling you how to vote, but I will not be voting for Fallin.

  I will quit ranting with this final note - as much as I really do love teaching, I spend more time jumping through hoops than I do teaching.  If I had this to do over, I would make a different choice.  If we ever have enough money to start farming I will quit without a backward glance.

Who Is This Child?

I have been negligent in writing - it seems as that by the end of each day, I have enough oomph to read a few pages of something before I just give up on all intelligent thought.  It has been a good beginning to school, though a bit stressful (that rant is for a different post), but as always, there doesn't seem to be quite enough of me to go around.  Yesterday was different.  It was such odd day that it's glow was still with me when I woke up this morning.

For those of you who have met Isabella, you know she is not overly girly.  Her favorite clothes are no clothes.  I have given up making her wear anything more than underwear in the house.  When she goes places, the clothing and shoes have to plain- no frills, no ribbons, nothing very girly and especially no pink.  She only found two summer dresses she liked this year - each one navy blue knit - one with a batik print and one with a paisley print and she alternated those on Sunday all summer.  They were cute, but ultra plain.  Her hair can only be brushed and left down and unadorned.  Earrings are rare.  When I try to get her to buy clothes, the path involving the least tears and sulking is online and me saying "pick the shades of blue and green you like best."

  The kiddo is in an honor choir production next week and is supposed to dress up a bit like a teenager.  She (who only wears elastic waisted shorts that feel like pajamas) wanted jeans, flats, and a top, so off to Lawton we went.  I was dubious and figured that at the first store, she would just pick the first thing in her size and be done.  Boy, was I wrong.

Penney's had too much pink and the clothes in her size were too little girly cute.  Justice had only one acceptable top, but it wasn't in her size ( thank goodness, since it was almost $40).  Things picked up at Old Navy.  Several jeans were tried on until she found the look - skinny, but not super skinny or boy friend skinny. Alas, no shirt.  She really wanted a wide necked off the shoulder sweater, but I wasn't prepared for my 8 year old to look like she was working a street corner and no store had such a creation.  She assured me that Children's Place would only have little girl clothes, but was game to check it out.  Then the weirdest thing happened;  she opened her mouth and these words came out, "Ooohhh, that is cute.  I could wear it with jeans and wear it all the time."  She was pointing at a leopard print cardigan. How girly can you get? Then she spotted leopard print ballet flats and a hat.  I thought we had THE outfit.  She loved it, but the shoes didn't fit in any size and she wanted it all to look just right.  So she thought we should keep looking because she wanted these clothes just to wear everyday and  thought they weren't sparkly or fancy enough for on stage.  You could have pushed me over with a feather.  So on and on we looked, finally ending up in Dillards.  Hanging on the wall was a row of plaid short skirts with button down shirts, sweaters, and matching ties.  Too cute.  She actually asked to try some on.  I again thought we had found something that worked, but once again she wanted these clothes just to wear to church and school.  Then she spotted the clearance rack with wide necked (though not off the shoulder), flowing, sequined shirts in jewel tones.  This was it.  The one.  We actually left Dillards with both the sequined short and the skirt/shirt/sweater/tie ensemble because, well, it is so rare for Bella to really like any clothes and ask for them.  She actually spotted lots of other things she liked as well, but she was also getting hungry and it was getting late.

We ended the evening with her finding a pair of ballet flats that will look cute with jeans or the skirt and a visit to Claire's - that child had such a hard time deciding between hair flowers and head bands and earrings but managed to spend a good deal of my money.

The whole evening she chatted and held my hand in the mall.  She was funny and smart.  I don't often enjoy shopping for myself, much less with and for her, but we had so much fun last night.  It wasn't about her enjoying the clothes, it was about her being generally enthusiastic and fun about so etching that didn't involve bugs, bones, and video games.   I think if I am alone next time I go to town and leopard print sweater and hat are still there, I will have to get them.  Maybe for Christmas.  Maybe just because.