Mothering

Mothers Day is such a made up consumer holiday.  And just like Valentines Day, I do not care a bit if Jack and Bell got me a thing.  On the other hand, I would not to want to hurt my own Mother's feelings or Rubilee's either, so every year I try to do something little for them.  This year it was just hanging baskets of flowers, though I threatened to not give Rubilee hers.

The thing is, as much as I love my mother in law, she does make me a bit batty at times.  Last week she was so impressed with a politician who visited with her, that she gave the woman my phone number so she could pester me too.  Now, I feel pretty strongly about this year's election.  If there aren't some changes in Oklahoma on several fronts, I am going to start agreeing with Jack that we need to move to Canada.  Or a deserted island.  Mars.  Anywhere.   So yes, I want to learn about this politician, but not when I have a headache and just want to sleep.  Nevertheless, Rubilee did get her flowers, as did my mama.  I have just left the phone unplugged.  Even if I would never give her phone number to a politician, I do love my mother-in-law dearly.  I am not sure she knows what to do with a daughter-in-law who lives next door after only raising sons, but I have come to love her sense of humor, her kindness, her stories.  In truth, I spend much more time with her than I do with  my own mother.  My mama has to spread her attention across a tribe of children and grandchildren and doesn't particularly need me right now.  Rubilee, though, just needs us to be here, to fill in the gaps.

As far as my own mothering abilities go, I am feeling pretty inefectual these days.  I can't seem to convince Isabella that there is life beyond youtube and minecraft, so I am just having to play the bad cop and seriously limit her screen time.  Her answer is to just lie on the couch doing nothing.  I just want to poke her with a stick until she gets up to come outside and do something with me.   I think she is depressed - she came home crying yesterday.  Her only really good friend is moving today and once again, she will be alone.  (Last year's best friend moved over last summer.) Add this to a run in with some mean girls last week, and I wish I could fix this ache the way I can a scraped knee.  I  would like to promise her that it will get better, but it may be a long time before a kid moves to Elgin who matches her oddities. I remember a very lonely 3rd grade year of my own when my only friend moved to Alaska.  I really didn't have super close friends again for a few years.  I really can't think of anything my mom was able to do for me to make life bearable.  I think that is when I learned to live in the world of books - mama would have been busy with a new baby and a 3 year old, so I spent downtime on the prairie with Laura Ingalls or on Klickitat street with Ramona Quimby.  I will for sure be taking Bell to the library a lot this summer.  Already, she is in love with the Overdrive library ap on my ipad and most of my allotted check outs are her books.

As I contemplate Mother's Day (albeit a bit late), I just want the wisdom to raise a Godly daughter who finds a peace within, who is kind, who gives selflessly.  I want to raise her to be the kind of woman that my mother is, that Rubilee is, that my grandmother is.  I want her to be strong and independent but with the grace to bend without breaking.  That means I have to get better at walking in grace, at patience, at firmness tempered with gentleness.  That could be a long haul.