I am not overly fond of the word "suck" but I can think of no other word I am willing to publish to describe the month of April than that it was a purely sucky month. I know. I have a degree in English and am always on my kids about an enriched vocabulary. I can surely do better.
I am sure most of our friends know that about three weeks ago Jack was laid off. No severance package. No pay for unused vacation. Just cut loose. There have been some hiccups with unemployment paychecks, but they are in the process of happening. In the meantime he has spent whole days online searching for work, applying for jobs. The thing is, we are stuck. He doesn't feel we can leave here because of his parents needing us as caretakers and I at least have a job, one that I like. And he is not the most employable - a theater degree is close to worthless here. Since then, we have had to replace an air conditioner, had a major malfunction that resulted in a flooded house and a new hot water heater, discovered termites, Jack has to have a cavity dealt with, and we are still cleaning up tree debri from last weekend's tornado that went between our house and his mom's. Today, I have a sick kid. If I were a drinking woman, I would be in a stupor. Ann Frankland once said something to the effect that kicking a flat tire and loosing a few good curse words was effective. I am not there but I will totally admit that April sucked.
A co-worker has suggested that it was a way to keep me on my knees before God, humbled and prayerful. I think there may be something to that. It does feel like a test and I am not sure how much my faith is holding up. I am not panicked, not nearly. But I am concerned. I am organized, a planner, a worrier. And certainly not a risk taker . . . Yes, it is time to be prayerful, to listen. To ask that the doors meant for us be opened and the doors to distractions and wrong paths be closed.
It is also a time to reexamine what I do have. This time of no work lets Jack be of more help to his parents. It meant he was home to deal with ruptured hot water heater and flooded carpets and walls. It meant he was home during tornados to be with us. I have that gorgeous view of the lake morning and evening. I have a husband I am madly in love with who still loves me and who is a great dad to our child. I have had the best year ever at school. We are mostly healthy. My shoulder seems worlds better - I am thankful that God has given relief there since he knows I can't afford the surgery I was sure I had to have. Maybe these are coincidences. Maybe they are little miracles. I rather think they are.
April wasn't so much showers of difficulties. It has been more like monsoon season. I need patience, wisdom, faith that in May or June or in God's timing, there will be relief, reward. Flowers.
No comments:
Post a Comment