Bliss

I have been giving bliss a lot of thought lately.   More than usual.  There are a lot of contributing factors.  Misti is deep into school again pursuing a dream.  Chris and Cindy moved to a new city in pursuit of dreams.  Talaura is pursuing dreams.  It has just repeatedly hit home over the past few years that maybe I was not doing what I really wanted to do.  And now we are deep in the midst of change in so many ways.

I don't think anyone had ever exactly said to me "Follow your bliss" until I met Dr. Frankland.  I don't know how many times she told our class that and I know at least a few times she said it to me directly.  I used to really worry about bliss because I thought it meant to just do what I wanted and I was always torn over knowing what I wanted,  but over the years I have been mentally compiling a list of factors that contribute to or at least have to do with bliss for me.  I doubt my list applies to everyone though.

*Do no harm.  I don't have to make others happy, but I need to at least consider others' feelings and try not hurt them.

*Count the cost.  There are consequences and risks inherent in any endeavor.  Am I willing to face them when the time comes?  If not, is this really bliss?

*For me, bliss will never be a thing that my conscience cannot accept. It won't be anything that goes against my God or following him.

*My bliss is allowed to change as I change.  I am not static.  I am allowed to try to change my course, even if that was the course I thought I wanted 20 years ago.

*Do not abandon my past lightly. It is what made me who I am.  Do not discount the new.  Change is sometimes good.

*My bliss is actually doing something, is a lifestyle, is everyday choices I make in supporting doing something deeply.  It is not tied to a person, but my actions.



I think bliss is pursuing a dream, being in the moment of pursuing that dream.  Today those dreams mean I am teaching now while we work toward a  more independent future when we can someday farm. They are every day trying to instill in Isabella all things we think are important while reveling in her joy in life.  They are digging in the dirt when I can and really loving the little moments like the hummingbirds at the feeders or Jack's delight that the cactus bloomed.


That dream, that bliss,  can be shared with someone, but it cannot BE someone.  Jack shares my dream of a farm.  He shares my dreams for the way we raise Isabella.  He shares my dreams of our life as a couple. We certainly do not agree on everything, but we share the dream of our life as a whole.  Somehow when Ann told me to follow my bliss, I don't think it had anything to do with marrying the man of my dreams.  I think it meant doing something pasionately that I personally found fullfilling.  I am just blessed that I have someone to do it with me.


Marrying the man of my dreams?  That was something else, in ways bigger, in ways just different than bliss  Not sure what is bigger than bliss.  Maybe just love itself is bigger.  I just know that a person is not what we should use as fullfillment.


Every year there is some kid that I just want to pull aside and tell to follow his or her bliss, but there is not always the moment for an aside.  I surely cannot tell a whole class of 16 year olds that.  Some are not mature enough and would take it as permission to persue every hedonistic desire that popped into their heads.
  
So this thing of bliss.  It is what I think about as I consider how much of Thoreau I will teach this year.  How much I will emphasize the path of the individual when we read Emerson.  It is what I think about while I watch Jack sort out fertigation for the pumpkins and while I wonder how many more years I have of still enjoying teaching.