It was homecoming week in Elgin. Since I am the class sophomore class sponsor, that meant Jack Dear got to build a float. As expected, it was perfect. The other sponsor had the idea of an Elk graveyard (our opponents' mascot is an elk). Jack made wonderfully realistic tombstones, plus an open grave with 4 elk feet sticking up. The feet were on springs so they jiggled as the float rolled down the parade route. We tied for 1st place and so the class account will get a little cash prize. I think all my husband got was the profound gratitude of two stressed and inept sponsors. There was also an evening of window decorating, a girl scout meeting, and the game itself this week. Whew!
On the upside, I got 1 out of 4 observations done with my boss. I was satisfied with my scores, a mix of effective and highly effectives. Now that I know what to expect, I am really not worried about the rest of them.
On the downside, I still have not been to the police department to be fingerprinted. Ugh. I think that has been moved to this week's schedule, along with a chiro appointment.
I think the bulk of this week, for me, was about rembering to appreciate the things I am blessed with. I was really disappointed last weekend over having to cancel a trip that I have been plotting for months. This week will be our tenth anniversary. I know ten years is not that long, but it feels big to me. For years, the most we have ever done is had a date night, but I had been planning an actual "leave the kid with Grandma weekend and go somewhere" type thing.This morphed into a mini family vacay after Isabella had to skip Girl Scout camp. I felt really guilty about us doing something cool without her, so instead of hotels and museums, we were thinking camping and hiking at Cap Rock. The whole thing has been shelved because Jack has a side job every weekend in October. Last weekend I was furious. Angry. The thing is, I was not mad at Jack for working. In fact, I even told him to do it. I was more mad at the situation, at the fact that this job lined up with fall break. Mad that this is the only chance we have for this trip until next year. This spilled into being mad about other things. But, in the midst of being mad, came a very clear revelation that I was not walking in love. It did not matter that I was stressed, that I was tired, etc. I simply was not trusting or hoping. I was not being patient. I was not doing any of things I had promised to do 10 years ago. I was selfish. It was a vacation that was canceled. That was all. I still had a house to live in. Our bills were paid. We were healthy. I have a husband who is an amazing father. I have a family who not only supports me in my job, but goes along with all the extra stuff I have to do . . Like floats. I have a husband that loves me, even after 10 years. Even when I don't deserve it.
I know, logically, that a lot of my anger had to do with being stressed about work. About my hand (which does seem a little better) and the rest of my body which has just gone generally haywire . . . Nothing sinister, just annoying stuff. But I also know that spirits come against us to destroy whatever we are not holding tightly to. I also know that I am probably not finished putting off selfishness and anger and putting on love. I have decided that this is one of those tests and I am going to choose Life. I am going to choose it today, and tomorrow, and all of the tomorrows after that.
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