Love and Concepts

I am generally good about not losing things, but a few times a year, I do.  It's usually when I am tired or stressed or both.  We had after school appointments three days this week.  I have been worried about my parents.  Jack was a little under the weather this week.  It's that wrap up the semester season.  The point is there was just a lot going on in the back ground of my brain.  

I shouldn't have been surprised that I lost my wedding ring, but I was.  Tuesday when I came home from physical therapy, I took my ring off and laid it on the kitchen table so I could peel the shrimp that we were having for supper.  I knew better - I always put my ring in the jewelry box on our dresser.  Putting it elsewhere was inviting trouble.  I have looked for it all week and today finally found it.  I wasn't panicked because I KNEW it was in the house, but I was troubled.  I don't really wear jewelry. I don't even own rings besides my wedding ring, but that is one thing I wear every day.  The worst part is that I have a history of losing my wedding ring.  

Some of you know parts of this story, but probably not all of you.  When Jack asked me if I wanted an engagement ring, I declined.  When he asked about a wedding ring, I asked him to make one. Neither of us had a lot of money.  We were also old enough to know that an expensive ring really had nothing to do with the quality of relationship we had and just wasn't us.   I really, really wanted something he made specifically for me, that only he had worked on.  He warned me it would just be a simple band and I was fine with that.  

He bought silver (my request) and ring making tools, and sure enough, come wedding day, he produced a ring for each of us.  They were from the same block of silver with a tiny bump sticking out on his and a divot taken out of mine where Jack broke them apart after they had stuck together in the molds.  This was exactly what I wanted.  That ring ended up being just a smidge large and kept falling off (I remember a mad search for it at the Simmons Center after an academic meet once), so Jack took another slice of silver from the same block and made a slightly thicker one that stayed on better.  So then I had two. I have always switched back and forth between them depending on if my hands were a little swollen or not, but I mostly wore the tight one.  Then three or four years ago, I lost the tighter fitting one.  Again, I knew it had to be in the house. We moved every piece of furniture, emptied every drawer.  It couldn't be found. At the time, I couldn't keep my original on.  I was so reluctant to melt down the original, but I wanted to be able to wear my ring daily again. I consoled my self that even though the divot would be missing when Jack recast it, it was still the original silver, and I had Jack do it.  A year and a half later, I moved the recliner and the missing one fell out, taking me back to two . . . until this week.  I obviously had a back up, but of  course the one that went missing this week was the recast from the original. The back up ring has been tight lately, so I went around all week absentmindedly rubbing my naked finger. 

This morning, after deep cleaning the house and looking in every trashcan, every drawer, it was finally found.  It was hiding behind the leg of our dresser (no where near the kitchen table). I am guessing I moved it from the table to the dresser but didn't make it all the way to the jewelry box.  I had looked under the dresser twice with a flashlight but had looked at the wrong angle until today.  I feel better. I know it's just a ring, not monetarily worth more than the $20 of silver in it.  I wanted this one though, the metal that Jack  put on my finger, that matches his, that is of the same metal as the last little chunk that Jack is saving to make something for Bell, the one made just for me.  

Our friend Roger Drummond  reminded me that a ring is nothing more than a tangible representation of the very real love I am blessed with.  He reminded me that the ring is just a concept that represents something "true and indisputable and eternal." He is right.  Even if I had not found it, all I have to do is look in Jack's eyes and know all about love.  I can tell you the exact moment over two decades ago when I realized I loved this guy, but that shiny new feeling pales in comparison to love that feels as comfortable as your oldest favorite flannel shirt and as brilliant as the sunrise.  While I am thankful to have it back, as long as I have that brilliance, I am pretty good and don't actually need the ring.