I type this with one hand tonight because the othe one is scratching lazy circles on a small pink clad back of a drifting off to sleep little girl.
I wanted to submit a LTYM piece to Misti about our lives as parents - I wrote off and on for two weeks, but the words never gelled. Sometimes they just don't and I always figure those are the ones that just aren't meant to be.
This moment, this is the essence of it all, the essence that couldn't be captured with words. It doesn't matter that she had a melt down in the school hallway last week over a torn paper flower. It doesn't matter that she always looks like a ragamuffin because she won't do more than brush her hair. It matters that every night, she still wants me to read to her, even though she can read to herself. It matters that I can't wait to see her after school. It matters that when she can't sleep, she asks if she can can snuggle up with me in her bed . . . Just until she drifts off.
We have good days - the last two have been like living with a small grown up who is well adjusted, eats what I cook, and is kind and helpful. But oh my, there are days. Believe me, she and I are too alike not to clash. But at the end of the day, every day, she is my wee bitty girl and I am just so very thankful for this one life I have with her and Jack dear.
I seem to spend a lot of time in my head these days just so very glad for them. If you've someone to love, kiss them and be thankful.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Stay Home Day
Elgin schools budgeted two inclement weather days into our calendar . . . Which we didn't use . . . Which means that last Friday and today, Bell and I are enjoying some time off.
Poor kid. We have had a 4 day weekend and this is the first day she is going to really get to kick back. We had a grocery/errand day in Lawton. We had a "go see the great grandparents" and buy trees day. Yesterday, all three of us made it to church - I needed it. Seems like since February we have been sporadic about church. Either someone has been sick or we have been gone. The bottom line, though, is that this is the first day we have really just been home.
Today? Well, I need to do some checkbook balancing and bill paying. Laundry. Housework.
Isabella has never learned to ride her bike. She took a few spills and got scared. We got a helmet this weekend and I told her I would take her to the park where there is a nice paved path. Maybe if she can get the hang of riding on smooth pavement, she can ride around here on the farm.
We have a few errands around here. I need go get Rubilee's paper this morning and check in with her, see if Harold's feeling better today. Yesterday was not a good day for him. I am supposed to make the 10 minute drive to Fletcher this evening and take Huxley and Rubilee's dog to the rabies shots clinic. It is easier than going to the vet during the week and they are due for boosters.
What I really want to do is plant my tomatoes. Jack and have grown some really beautiful tomato and pepper plants, but the low for Tuesday is 36. Not freezing, but too close for comfort so we will wait a few more days. I am tempted to replant my lettuces and greens. I planted them last weekend, but so far there are no signs of life. I fear the 4 plus inches of rain during Wednesday's storm washed my seeds away. I also want to go get more trees (but I won't since I promised Bell a day at home). We have some shade on the sides of the house and in the back, but the front bakes; yesterday I planted a bald cypress and a sycamore. Maybe by the time we are old and feeble, we can sit in the shade. I know there are other faster growing trees, but they weren't to be found for sale around here. I also want to plant more in the orchard. "Orchard" is a loose term. When Jack's grandparents were here, there was an orchard, but all there is now is one dead apricot and one half dead apricot. Yesterday it expanded to include two peach and two cherry trees. Now, I just need apricot, fig, apple, . . . Someday, I want more trees than that so I can sell at a market, but this is the orchard just for us. Maybe Jack dear will pick up more trees if he gets time this week.
Ah . . . Jack Dear. In case you wondering, his first week at BK was a good one. This past week, he mostly power washed radiators on Frac trucks. This was a novel experience I am sure. You see, Jack has some sort of energy field that repels dirt. In all the years I have known him, I bet I have only seen him truly filthy a handful of times. Not when he mows. Not when he had to dig out a waterline. But power washing? Oh my. It felt good to not be the messy one for once. He spent a few nights away. He enjoyed the crew he worked with. Bell was fine and didn't fuss once. Really the only issue was keeping Harold's medication sorted out. Gotta do better there, in getting Rubilee and Harold to let me step in.
So today Jack was off to work. He thought he might be working locally today so we might see him tonight. Bell and I and are going to putter, soak up some sun, and enjoy this spring day. The cold comes back to tomorrow, as does school.
Poor kid. We have had a 4 day weekend and this is the first day she is going to really get to kick back. We had a grocery/errand day in Lawton. We had a "go see the great grandparents" and buy trees day. Yesterday, all three of us made it to church - I needed it. Seems like since February we have been sporadic about church. Either someone has been sick or we have been gone. The bottom line, though, is that this is the first day we have really just been home.
Today? Well, I need to do some checkbook balancing and bill paying. Laundry. Housework.
Isabella has never learned to ride her bike. She took a few spills and got scared. We got a helmet this weekend and I told her I would take her to the park where there is a nice paved path. Maybe if she can get the hang of riding on smooth pavement, she can ride around here on the farm.
We have a few errands around here. I need go get Rubilee's paper this morning and check in with her, see if Harold's feeling better today. Yesterday was not a good day for him. I am supposed to make the 10 minute drive to Fletcher this evening and take Huxley and Rubilee's dog to the rabies shots clinic. It is easier than going to the vet during the week and they are due for boosters.
What I really want to do is plant my tomatoes. Jack and have grown some really beautiful tomato and pepper plants, but the low for Tuesday is 36. Not freezing, but too close for comfort so we will wait a few more days. I am tempted to replant my lettuces and greens. I planted them last weekend, but so far there are no signs of life. I fear the 4 plus inches of rain during Wednesday's storm washed my seeds away. I also want to go get more trees (but I won't since I promised Bell a day at home). We have some shade on the sides of the house and in the back, but the front bakes; yesterday I planted a bald cypress and a sycamore. Maybe by the time we are old and feeble, we can sit in the shade. I know there are other faster growing trees, but they weren't to be found for sale around here. I also want to plant more in the orchard. "Orchard" is a loose term. When Jack's grandparents were here, there was an orchard, but all there is now is one dead apricot and one half dead apricot. Yesterday it expanded to include two peach and two cherry trees. Now, I just need apricot, fig, apple, . . . Someday, I want more trees than that so I can sell at a market, but this is the orchard just for us. Maybe Jack dear will pick up more trees if he gets time this week.
Ah . . . Jack Dear. In case you wondering, his first week at BK was a good one. This past week, he mostly power washed radiators on Frac trucks. This was a novel experience I am sure. You see, Jack has some sort of energy field that repels dirt. In all the years I have known him, I bet I have only seen him truly filthy a handful of times. Not when he mows. Not when he had to dig out a waterline. But power washing? Oh my. It felt good to not be the messy one for once. He spent a few nights away. He enjoyed the crew he worked with. Bell was fine and didn't fuss once. Really the only issue was keeping Harold's medication sorted out. Gotta do better there, in getting Rubilee and Harold to let me step in.
So today Jack was off to work. He thought he might be working locally today so we might see him tonight. Bell and I and are going to putter, soak up some sun, and enjoy this spring day. The cold comes back to tomorrow, as does school.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Good Bye, Normalcy. Hello, Drastic Changes
My friend Cindy made a comment in her blog that she didn't have anything new to say. That is where I have been for almost a month. At work I am frantically trying to get in all the review I think the kids need. I have exactly 5 days of class before the big state tests start for the English department. I have taught all year; free days don't exist in my room . . . But perhaps we shouldn't have written one essay and done another instead. Perhaps we should have reviewed singular indefinite pronoun agreement again. I still have 10th graders writing 5th grade essays.
But this isn't new or exciting - just tiring.
Here is something new. I have prayed all winter that if Jack is supposed to just take care of his folks, then a financial solution would appear. If he were to work, then a job needed to be found. Doors need to open. Peace needed to be given.
Last week, out of the blue, an old friend called to see if Jack was interested in a job. The plus side is that we could possibly be out of debt in a year if we are careful. We could afford a short trip somewhere. We could have some work done on the car. There are other things on the money list that would be an option, things we keep postponing or categorizing as luxuries. We also like the boss. That always helps.
There is a downside. There is always a downside. He will be driving a lot and sitting a lot. He does better, mentally and physically, when he is active. He definitely smokes less and is happier. He will be gone from home often for several days at a time. When he is home, he is effectively on call. That may mean that it is hard to take little short trips even. It is highly likely that he will work weekends and holidays. His day will often start in the wee hours or end in the wee hours or both.
Jack is worried about my ability to juggle vehicles, animals, a kid, and two sick, old people and still manage work. I am a slightly worried, but I am pretty sure I will manage. There might be colorful expletives involved. I am almost sure there will be moments of fear and desperation and probably even tears. But I will make sure that a little girl is loved, that the tires are aired up, that the folks are looked after.
Bell. . . Well, there will definitely be tears on her part. She offered to give up directv and her allowance if he would stay home. She is a daddy's girl and will be crushed. Definitely tears.
I can't ask him not to take it. It is a hard thing for a man to not have a job. I can't tell him to take it. It is a hard thing for a man like him to not see his family, especially his little girl, for days on end.
All I can do is pray for his safety. Pray that we be blessed. That if this is the answer, the way be made smooth and peace given. If it is not the answer, may God show us the answer. All I can do is be supportive and love this man I married.
But this isn't new or exciting - just tiring.
Here is something new. I have prayed all winter that if Jack is supposed to just take care of his folks, then a financial solution would appear. If he were to work, then a job needed to be found. Doors need to open. Peace needed to be given.
Last week, out of the blue, an old friend called to see if Jack was interested in a job. The plus side is that we could possibly be out of debt in a year if we are careful. We could afford a short trip somewhere. We could have some work done on the car. There are other things on the money list that would be an option, things we keep postponing or categorizing as luxuries. We also like the boss. That always helps.
There is a downside. There is always a downside. He will be driving a lot and sitting a lot. He does better, mentally and physically, when he is active. He definitely smokes less and is happier. He will be gone from home often for several days at a time. When he is home, he is effectively on call. That may mean that it is hard to take little short trips even. It is highly likely that he will work weekends and holidays. His day will often start in the wee hours or end in the wee hours or both.
Jack is worried about my ability to juggle vehicles, animals, a kid, and two sick, old people and still manage work. I am a slightly worried, but I am pretty sure I will manage. There might be colorful expletives involved. I am almost sure there will be moments of fear and desperation and probably even tears. But I will make sure that a little girl is loved, that the tires are aired up, that the folks are looked after.
Bell. . . Well, there will definitely be tears on her part. She offered to give up directv and her allowance if he would stay home. She is a daddy's girl and will be crushed. Definitely tears.
I can't ask him not to take it. It is a hard thing for a man to not have a job. I can't tell him to take it. It is a hard thing for a man like him to not see his family, especially his little girl, for days on end.
All I can do is pray for his safety. Pray that we be blessed. That if this is the answer, the way be made smooth and peace given. If it is not the answer, may God show us the answer. All I can do is be supportive and love this man I married.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)