On My Own Again

I have not been home alone for more than one night at a time in over 8 years.  I can only think of once or twice that I was alone for a night, and then Bell and Jack were usually just down by the water camping under the big oak.

When Jack and I were first married, he worked away from home during the week and was only home on the weekends.  I had the week to myself to indulge in whatever I wished, whether it was reading or eating foods he didn't like or watching his not so favorite shows.  Then Bell came along.  Since then, even if  Jack is gone, I have had Bell . . . For eight years.  Until now.

The super dedicated teachers I work with put together a grant and arranged a vertical alignment team for this year ( for you non teachery friends, that means that 7th through 12 grade strategizes what is taught so that each year builds on the next with no gaps but also no unnecessary repetitions ).  We spent the entire week in meetings with an AP rep and on our own, hammering out what each grade would do and how we would do it.  It isn't finished, but we got much accomplished.  Of course, this also means that the last week of summer break was, in fact, a work week for me.  It was also a work week for Jack, so Bella was farmed out for the week and neither will be home for a few more days.

Now, keep in mind that my dearest works away, far away, during the week.  The kiddo was gone.  This meant that after meetings each day,  I  was left to my own devices. Those devices were pretty tame.  There was girls' wine and canvas night, but other than that, there were suppers of sliced tomatoes or simply a glass of wine.  There was reading books until midnight.  There was a TV that didn't get turned on a single time.  There were workouts at times of day of my choosing, rather than working them around everyone else's schedule.  My kitchen table stayed cluttered with the detritus of each day.  It took multiple mornings of coffee to have enough dishes to justify a sink of soapy water.

I will say that I did do laundry and did pick and water the garden.   Yesterday, I did some deep cleaning and I have a bit moe to do today, but mostly this week has been about quiet.  I had forgotten that I used to read for hours on end.  I did not know that even now, with a good book, I can still read for six hours straight.  It has shot my sleep cycle all to pieces.  I haven't gone to bed before 11 and to sleep before 1 a single night.  Unfortunately, I have managed to sleep as late as 6:45 only once, the rest of the week being wide eyed by 5:15.  That is almost criminal.  Sleep is a precious commodity and I so wanted to just sleep in these last few days.  I wish my broken sleep button would be mended.  No kid also means that my in-laws got really spoiled.  Since there was no one to tend to at my house, they got much more of my time than they normally do.  I enjoy my time with them, but I simply can't be up there as much as they want when someone at home needs guidance with homework or a meal cooked or a bedtime story.

I was dreading this week, both for the vertical alignment and for being without both Bell and Jack for that long.  I thought I might get lonely.  I did miss them, but we talked or facetimed every night, and I knew it was a finite amount of time. I did  worry about them, Bell particularly, but once again, she was in good  hands for the week, and it was only a week.  I had thought I might get some projects done while they were gone, but that didn't happen either.   I might have gotten lonely if I had been home all day, every day, instead of working, but I had just enough to keep me busy.   Instead of being lonely and needing to fill that down time with a busy project, I just basked in not having responsibilities for the week.  That is not to say I behaved irresponsibly. It just means that I was allowed to simply be.  Just be.  That was all.

I am thinking that perhaps every school year should start with a few days of quiet for me.  When school starts, as it will Monday, I am suddenly pulled in too many directions, meeting the needs of too many people, juggling too many personalities, losing myself a tad in the shuffle.    Turns out this week was a bit of a gift that I didn't know I even needed.

Still a Wilson

Vacation is over and I am a bit sad.  I wasn't ready to come back to the earth of the real world and felt like I needed just a bit more time in the sun with the clan.

Day 1: We got out the door just too late.  That is all there is to it.  We got off slow and drove slow and  took a poor choice of roads and by the time we got out to our cousin's place, it was 5.  We got some visiting in and had dinner, but Bell got her feelings hurt and melted down spectacularly ending in us hauling her away to the cabin for some unhappy consequences and an early bedtime.

Day 2: fabulous boat ride. Good visiting with some of the cousins.  Each part of the family took one night to cook for everyone else and it was our night, so mom and I spent the afternoon making Mexican for everyone.  I didn't get a lot of visiting with everyone else but mom and I really enjoyed cooking together - it isn't something we do much anymore now that we live farther away. Jack and Bell got to spend some time on the water playing and fishing.  I know she got to tube and loved it, but I think she loved my cousin's jetski even more.  I went back to the cabin with a migraine and spent the night throwing up.  Jack tweaked his back again and so he spent the night in pain too.  We are too old for this.

Day3: woke up the remnants of my migraine still present.  This was a drizzly day.  Bell got some more water time in the cold drizzle before the rain drove us indoors.  We hadn't really spent any time with my grandparents yet, so we drove over there for the afternoon and evening.  Between the lingering my head ache and Jack's back and leg, the day was not stellar.

Day 4: go home day.  I had worn a bikini every day and still hadn't been in the water.  It was cool and drizzly, but I was going to get wet.  Another great boat ride over to Serenity Point with a little souvenir shopping and playing in the water.  This is the place where I jumped off the roof nine years ago.  I don't think Bell believes I did that.  This year I just jumped off a trampoline into the water.  I know.  I am almost 39 and may need to grow up.  When we got back to my cousin's house and dock, Bell and had a brief chance to tube before she got too cold - it was short, but I am glad I got to do that with her.  Hope someone snagged a pic of us.  I hung in there and tubed with the boy cousins.  Those fourteen year olds are tougher than I am.  Good thing I was not on the edge or it would have been a short ride. I really didn't think I would be able to get up to ski. Nine years was a long time ago for this body, but get up I did.  We had already chewed up the cove tubing so I missed the window for that easy, glassy water I love but it was still so good.  I had a moment of fear that I had forgotten how to cross wakes and ski out to the side, but it was right there for the taking.  I didn't ski long, but I was a Wilson again, a kid again laughing with my cousins for that bit of time.

We toyed with staying another night, but we had already packed and were checked out.  Bell seemed ready to go home - if the sun had been out, she might have wanted to stay, but it was so cool and rainy we decided to go ahead and pack it in.  The ride home began with a flat tire in the first thirty minutes, but it happened right in front of a convenience store with a huge parking lot.   Some men would have been frustrated, but Jack was calm and unruffled.  He wasn't mad about us taking off so late or the flat.  I know his numb leg bothered him a good bit on the six hours drive, but he handled it all with grace.

Really my only regrets were not spending any time with him.  Between my head and his back and a kid sleeping five feet away, romance just wasn't going to happen.  He complained that he only got to ogle me in a bikini briefly.  My other regret was not getting to visit more with some of the cousins.  I barely talked to Mo - we just never synced up.  I was in the kitchen or with my kid.  I also hate it that we didn't get there when one of the other branches of cousins were there.

Highlights were really getting to visit with Ramsee and a pretty good visit with Chelsea.  I loved getting to see what amazing parents these cousins are.  I loved watching Bell hang with cousins she didn't even know she had four days ago.  It was just so good to be part of this family again, even if it was only for a few days.