Mondays - Let this one not be repeated

I will honestly say that I got a wee bit of refresher in changing schools.  Maybe it was just a change of scenery.  Fewer students.  Working harder at teaching. I don't know, but I have not been quite as burned out feeling this year.

Until today.  Today may be the first day I cried on the way home in 15 years.  I don't mean about heartbreaking situations or death;  I have cried buckets over those things.  I mean flat out bad behavior. The kind that made me cry and then abandon tears for hard exercise.

My day sails usually sails by so smoothly as far as the kids go. Except for 1 class. It is a small class but has an over abundance personality.  In a typical day, all teachers see kids whose parents don't parent, whether it is from lack of interest or lack of ability.  And those children consume the bulk of our attention.  Either we are nudging and prodding and nurturing or we are being disciplinarians.  Somewhere in there, we actually teach our subjects.  I don't know what factors came into play today.  But I know I have no desire to baby sit and I am not qualified to be a therapist.

Today, after dealing with a very few kids who were determined to act up, after dealing with their indignation at being punished, after listening to them convince themselves that they were innocent, I was reminded that this is what makes me weary.

Before you say it, yes I am tired.  Yes, I am sure I will feel better tomorrow.  Yes, I know this is what I signed on for.  Yes, I know that good teachers are so important.  Yes, I want Bell to have good dedicated  teachers.  I know.  I get it.  And some days,  I really think that education should be a privilege and not a requirement.  I am sure a shovel could be found for those not interested.  Some days I really just want to walk away.

But I am not going to walk away and I am not willing to be a bad teacher.  So tomorrow, maybe the saints of strategy will send something my way.