Yesterday I had an email from an old friend. He sends one email a year, letting me know he is still alive, and I always send one back. It is the typical update on life email. In my reply, I commented that though life wasn't perfect (whose is?), I was content with the way things were. He said that I should never be content, that it was against human nature.
I think this is both a great and terrible idea. I know I should never be content with how I teach or my walk with the Lord or any number of things. But I don't think he understood that when I said I was content, I meant I was at peace with a lot of things. I am at peace living in this weird little house next to Rubilee. I am at peace with Jack having to work away from home some. I am at peace with putting my farm dreams on hold for now. That doesn't mean I have found a way to love my falling apart carpet or my miniscule bathroom. It does mean that I am not going to spend excess amount of time and energy fretting that I don't have as big of a house as my friends. We make choices. One of our choices was to live in the country, specifically here to help the in-laws. I suppose if years ago we had chosen to move to a bigger town or Jack or I had chosen to back to college for a more lucrative career, I might have a closet big enough to put a bed in or marble counter tops. But those were not the choices we made. If living life with Jack and Bell on this land means that we live the way we do, then so be it because that choice also means I can sunbathe without neighbors seeing. I can watch the sun come up and go down with no one else disturbing me. I can wake up every day in a marriage with a devoted, passionate man and I can spend every day as a mom of a kid I love. So yes, I am content. I am sure that there will be moments of frustration ( every time I try to scrub the tub and vacuum this carpet), but in this new year, I want to walk in peace and contentment. This is a God thing, not a settling for less thing.
A new year also means a new semester. I am not going to lie and say I can't wait for Monday. School stresses me. During the school year, my stress is measured by how crappy my sleep is. It is measured by how many fever blisters I get. During these 13 days off I have only had 2 bad nights of sleep and both were my own fault. My skin is fairly clear and I haven't felt the need to grit my teeth. My body thinks I am meant to be a housewife and garden girl. My paycheck and education dictate otherwise. So Monday we begin anew. I have a month's worth of lesson plans in place, two weeks of assignments and made and the first week of tests made. I am ready.
In all honesty, I am looking forward to seeing most of my kids again. Most. There might be two or three that I would love to move far, far away. I am eager to finish Gatsby and move into some feminist lit with the AP kids. I am eager to begin writing boot camp with all my juniors. I will be glad to see them, hear their chatter, listen to stories about break, discuss literature with them. Today, I bumped into one of my favorite former students. Jamin was in my class when Bella was born so he is a grown man now, about to graduate from college, full of hopes and promise. As happy as I was to see him, I was tickled when his face lit up when he saw me. Once kids have been in my room, they are mine for life; I have a vested interest in them. But me? Well for many, I am just some lady who wrote on their papers in red ink. It is nice to see those kids I connected with, those kids who got it and cared and enjoyed my class as much as I enjoyed having them in class. I was glad I saw Jamin today, glad for the hug that reminded me that I do love these kids, even if I despise the test pressure and the paper grading and the hoops I jump through to be their teacher.
Anyway, I am planning on striving for being better in the things that I shouldn't settle on, but I am also going to work on walking in peace and contentment in the things that God has given me for my current life in this new year.
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