Thought Soup

I need to quit my job.  This has nothing to do with the bijillion parents I emailed and phoned today about their children's grades.  It has nothing to do with the fiasco of a homecoming float I bear responsibility for.  It does not  even have anything to do with the Little Caeser's fundraiser kits that came in that I failed to get after school becuase I flat out forgot it while I was creating research paper guidelines.

I need to quit my job for sleep.  This is how I operate.  About August 1st, my sleep starts being disturbed by dreams of school.  Then a week later those dreams turn dark.  By the end of the second week of school, I do pretty well focusing on the task at hand during the day (except Little Caeser's pizza), managing my circus fairly well.  Alas, as soon as I lie down, my brain begins to bubble.  It isn't that I have bad dreams, more that I just can't fall asleep.

Last night I had so many thoughts sliding around, I think it must have looked like a pot of word soup bubbling in my brain.  Research paper rubric popped up next to rhetoric project.  Patrick Henry slid across new birthday boots much like a noodle gliding past a vegetable as soup simmers on the back burner.  I know that for at least forty five minutes last night, I pondered how to plan the next month for my juniors, how to phrase research paper topics on The Crucible, whether I should go see Jack or my grandma for fall break, the cabin we are renting in November, the homecoming float, my dr appointment on Friday, Bella's speech therapy, my looming evaluation by my boss, why my kids were having such a hard time with clauses, the water leak, . . .  Literally these ideas would bubble to the surface and in just moments be submerged by a new thought which would likewise be edged out by yet another.  Finally, I succumbed to sleep.

I procured some sleep essential oils and a diffuser - but I have not used them consistently enough to be in a good routine.  I do better when I exercise, but there has just been no time the last two and a half weeks.  I think I need to start getting up at 5 and working out, but in my tiny house, I would wake Jack and Bell.  But. But. But.

But here is the thing.  About two weeks after school is out in May, the stress evaporates and I learn to sleep again.  May is a long time away.  I could quit my job, but then I would fret about being penniless.  I have a sleep therapy disc - I think it is time to try that in combination with the essential oils.

At least it is almost weekend - I just about always sleep well Friday and Saturday.  Then my thoughts are more like warm vanilla pudding.  Just comforting.